Love and Logic

So, James and I decided that we need a little more parenting help (who doesn't) so we signed up for a free love and logic course. Our first meeting was two weeks ago, and sadly, I didn't really put anything I had learned that day to use. The main objective of Module 1 was learning to be in control of ourselves, so that by example, our kids can learn to be responsible for their own behaviors. Needless to say, this is the hardest step! Our second class was last night. I was determined to put the precious amount of time I spent in the class to use. I didn't have to wait long for an opportunity.

The first thing we learned in class last night was that when we "rescue" our kids from tough situations, they don't learn the needed lessons! I immediately thought of all of those nights I spent helping my kids create posters and projects well into the night. I was perpetuating the problem and thus they didn't learn, and thus it was happening over and over. I mentioned this in class--mainly for shock value (it worked). Fantastically, I had an opportunity to redeem myself as soon as we got home from our class.

Hannah had been skiing, and we picked her up on our way home. She was very hyper and had spent the bus ride home from skiing thinking about a "project" that she wanted me to do. She has to do a group report on Ellis Island on Friday (it was late Wed), and had learned that she would get extra credit if she dressed up. Although it was nearly 10 pm, she wanted me to fire up the internet and start searching for costumes that I could make for her for Friday. Now normally I really get into this type of stuff and would love nothing more than to stay up all night sewing for her, but NO MORE. I am now a love and logic parent and I am bound by the rules in my booklet! I very kindly said that I was going to bed, but would be happy to help her in the morning if she could wake up early and get her chores finished, and we still had time. OH! The manipulation! She laid it on so thick!!! She said that she thought I would want to spend some special time with her. I agreed--just at a different hour--Then she got angry and said I wouldn't help her. She gave me the scowling treatment, but I held strong. It was actually funny now that I could see exactly what was going on. She denied manipulating me, however.

I am very pleased to report that she was up early this morning and had her chores completed with a little extra time for the computer. I helped her look at images (actually, I failed here and did it myself--but mainly because I was interested in learning about Ellis Island). Unfortunately, there is a phase two to this argument. After viewing appropriate costumes, I found the perfect skirt in my closet (even the color she chose), but she is bound and determined that I make a new one for her. I ended up telling her that if she wanted a home made one that she is welcome to purchase fabric and make one herself, and I would be delighted to instruct her on how to do it. Once again she complained about not having time due to homework. Since I am having a root canal this morning, I KNOW I will be in no state to make it! We'll see how it all turns out!

The next chapter occurred this morning with Emily. This one was VERY successful. Emily got upset while she was loading the dishwasher and stormed out of the kitchen proclaiming that she refused to do the work. I very calmly stated that it was her choice, but she couldn't go to school until it was completed. She said fine that she would stay home then. I agreed and stated that I had a lot of chores that I could use her help with and that because of the energy that had been drained out of me from her that it would take a lot of help replacing my energy. She went into the living room and sat in a chair as I was helping Hunter get out the door. It was very painful for me to bite my tongue, but I did hoping she would fail (a love and logic concept). At the very last minute, she jumped up and put her coat and boots on and headed to the door! I jumped up and said that I was SOOO SOOORRY (quite sincerely) but that she would have to do the dishes first. Boy was she mad. She stomped into the kitchen and pretty much threw the dishes into the dishwasher. I told her thank you and that I loved her. I did not lecture her on how much easier it would be blah, blah, blah, nor did I mention that it was HER fault that she would be late. She stormed out saying that it was my fault that she'd be late and that she hated me. Well, the love and logic video we watched showed how immediately the child takes ownership and is happy. We still have a long way to go, but I feel that this was VERY sucessful, and when the door closed I shouted YESSSS! I'm sure tomorrow will go much more smoothly!

Connor was a little easier. He wanted me to dress him, as he does most days, but he is very capable of doing it himself. I thought of those love and logic choices, and started asking Connor how he would like to get dressed. Would he like to put on his shirt or pants first??? It went on and on, and he finally happily got himself dressed and I wasn't even in the room with him!

I'm off to a great start--albeit delayed two weeks. I can't wait for the metamorphosis that will be my family! I will have to be on my toes at all times and think very quickly because kids are quick! I think I'll keep a journal to chart my progress! Your prayers are appreciated!